Life and Dreams

As we all grow older, we begin to realize that our dreams of what our lives would be almost never come true and we almost never end up in the place that we thought that we would.

I might not be to that point yet, but I know that things have been coming and coming fast. I find myself lost up in the world around me, class assignment after assignment, attempting to juggle my hobbies and my friends, having a boyfriend and family to attend to. It's a lot of work already. The thing of it is though? I'm young and it's my duty to learn how to manage it. The question of it all is, what am I going to do as I get older?

Had you asked me this question when I was younger, you would have found that my passion for animals overruled everything. I wanted to be a vet, I wanted to be a zoo keeper, anything that kept me close in touch with animals...Until I realized being a vet wouldn't work because I couldn't stand the sight of animals in pain, and a zoo keeper wouldn't work because I am too jumpy. Had you asked me this question merely last year, I would have very bluntly told you that I was going to become a best-selling author and I wouldn't stop until I made it happen. Now? I'm not too sure what I want to do anymore.

My birthday has just come around the corner, bringing in another year of school and classes. I have to start looking for colleges this summer, start gathering scholarships and looking into various types of grants that might help me pay may way through a higher education. The very worst part of it is, is trying to figure out what I'm even going in for. In my future, I see so many things laid out before me that I could do and possibly do well. My love of English and writing is still strong in my life, (having taken six English classes in three years of High school proves that) yet, I'm not sure that's all I want to do with my life. It's no secret that writers normally don't make it big. Most writers have to have outside jobs as well as their writing career, so looking into other fields to fall back on will secure my future, right?

The issue is, what should I go into? I have a love of the human mind and mentally helping others, that's no secret for anyone around me. I am the shoulder to cry on and I am the listening ear, I am the advise giver. Could psychology be seen in my future...? After all, I am taking a class on it next year and I already passed sociology. Then, what of my dream of owning my own store? Shall that go down the tube? A business career could be in my future as well. I don't even want to get into my possibly futures in the religious path I follow.

So what do I choose?

Today, while I was doing dishes, I realized something. Why do I even have to choose? If these things are all who I am, all of these things are things I want to do, why should I have to pick between them? Any of them? The idea that I have to confine myself to this little group of one or two choices is ridiculous because in life, I can be whatever I want to be. I'm not going to limit what I want to be based on the realism of the choices, what would give me the most money or the most security in my life. I'm going to plow full steam ahead and do what I want to in my life.

This might not be the 'smartest' or most 'responsible' choice, but why not? It's my choice and trying to limit things down, it just makes me unhappy. Isn't the general goal of life to be happy? So that's what I am going to do. Pave my own way, my own name, and my own life to what is hopefully happiness. I don't need a definite label to define me. I don't need to be be 'Sam the Author' or 'Sam the Teacher' or 'Sam the Business owner', what's wrong with 'Sam the person who does whatever the fuck they wanna do?'

What I'm trying to say, is don't feel like you have to choose between the things you love in life and don't force yourself into something that makes you unhappy. All my life, I have refused paths in this life that I know would make me unhappy. No one can make you do them. As for the smartasses out there? Yes. You do have to go to school. lol That's an amazing  privilege, trust me. Doesn't matter if that makes you unhappy, because it will make you very happy when it's over.

In my future, I plan to be something amazing. I might fail, but that won't stop me from trying. Like I always tell myself- I'm not the best writer, but that's not going to stop me from becoming an amazing one.